Watching your parents age tears at your heart. He taught you how to drive, now you’re looking at that unexplained dent in his car wondering if you’ll have to take his keys. She held your hand to steady while you learned how to roller skate. Now you hold her hand up the stairs because she’s the one who needs steadying.
How do you know when it’s time to step in, to be the one taking care of them or enlist the help of professional caregivers? Is it time to arrange for long-term care? Here are some things you can look for.
Changes in How Your Parent Takes Care of Things
Maybe in the past your mom had an immaculate house, now the dishes are piling up in the sink, there’s clutter everywhere, and there are stains in places you know they would have never been before. If your dad always had the best yard on the block and now it’s dying and growing weeds, he might not be physically able to do things he used to enjoy.
If the electricity gets shut off because they forgot to pay, food in the fridge regularly goes bad because they didn’t use it, and unopened mail is piling up, your parent may be struggling.
Changes in How They Take Care of Themselves
If there used to be fresh food in the fridge and now you realize they’re eating things that come in easy to open packages, it may be getting harder and harder for them to fix themselves healthy meals. Caregivers can help to alleviate some of the pressure aging parents face.
Changes in How Your Parent Looks
She braided your hair every day when you were in elementary school and taught you to paint your nails. Now her nails are untrimmed and her hair is a mess. How many times did he tell you not to go out looking sloppy? Now he’s doing it.
If your parent was always careful with his or her appearance, now suddenly they’re wearing the same clothes a few days in a row, it might be because changing has gotten too difficult. Aging parents often lose the ability to manage their appearance
Changes in How Your Parent Gets Around
Look for marks on the wall or furniture from repeatedly using that item for balance. If the edge of a table is worn from using it to pull up or the wall in the hall has a long streak from using it for balance, your parent is feeling unsteady much of the time.
If you notice body odor, it may be too hard for your parent to get in and out of the tub or shower. Dents in the car mean slower reflexes, poor vision or a struggle making decisions.
Changes in the Way They Think
Living alone can cause parents to feel isolated and forgotten by the people into whom they poured their lives, and can lead to depression. If your parent used to be upbeat and positive and now seems withdrawn and unhappy, he or she might be depressed.
Unfilled prescriptions, missed appointments and forgetting how to do routine tasks could indicate a memory problem. If you notice they seem disoriented in familiar circumstances or don’t realize they’re saying the same thing repeatedly they might be developing dementia or Alzheimer’s.
Your parents taught you almost everything you know. They sacrificed to give you a future. They loved you like no one else could. That relationship is irreplaceable. You know you won’t have them forever, and you want to show them the respect and love they deserve.
There may be difficult conversations and difficult decisions ahead, but with the right guidance and knowledge you can make sure your aging parents receive the best eldercare possible.
Additional Resources:
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/signs-your-parent-needs-help-143228.htm
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/warning-signs-that-elderly-parent-needs-help-138989.htm
https://www.care.com/c/stories/5412/9-signs-your-parent-needs-help/
http://www.seniorcitizensguide.com/articles/health/ten-signs.htm
https://www.aegisliving.com/resource-center/the-seven-signs-that-your-mom-may-need-more-help/
